Ah, failure...
If you're on the journey of OCD recovery, failure often brings up a range of pretty tricky feelings. OCD is a condition that thrives on certainty and control, and we often want to get things 'just right'. The idea of failing - whether at Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), resisting compulsions, managing intrusive thoughts, or literally any part of OCD recovery - can be seriously upsetting.
But what about if failure isn’t actually the worst thing that can happen? What if failure is an essential part of recovery?
Let's have a go at breaking this idea down a little further.
7 Ways Failure Can Help in OCD Recovery
1. Failure helps us build resilience.
OCD recovery is rarely a linear path. Some days, we’ll resist compulsions really well; other days, it'll be more challenging, and we'll experience a few slips. We might engage in an exposure exercise one day, and then avoid it the next (both of these things are totally natural in OCD recovery, btw!). These ups and downs can feel incredibly frustrating, but if we try to look at it another way, every setback is an opportunity to strengthen our recovery and well-being skills and build resilience. Each time we 'fail', we learn that we can get back up and start working towards our values again. We develop the mental toughness to continue despite not always succeeding. This resilience is so important because recovery isn’t really about perfection, it's about persistence.
2. Failure breaks the perfectionism cycle.
OCD and perfectionism often go hand in hand. Many of us with OCD feel an intense need to perform tasks 'just right', and when we don’t, our anxiety can skyrocket. This mindset can extend to our OCD recovery itself. We can worry that if we don't do our therapy work perfectly, that we are failing.
But in reality, no one recovers from OCD perfectly. Recovery is messy, nonlinear, and full of ups and downs. Learning to accept imperfection in our progress is just as important as learning to embrace distressing, intrusive thoughts. Embracing failure teaches us that mistakes don’t equal disaster but that they’re simply part of being human.
3. Failure reduces the power of fear.
A huge part of OCD recovery involves learning to sit with uncertainty and discomfort. Avoiding failure often means avoiding situations that feel risky, like carrying out exposures or resisting compulsions. But when we allow ourselves to 'fail' - for example, by attempting an exposure and struggling with it - we expose ourselves to the very thing OCD hates: uncertainty. And the more we do this, the more we can build up our tolerance to the discomfort we feel around uncertainty. Just think of it like building up a muscle at the gym!
When we face failure and realise that it doesn’t actually destroy us, the fear of it lessens. We learn that we can cope, even when things don’t go perfectly. This is essential knowledge for long-term recovery!
4. Failure encourages self-compassion.
OCD can encourage a lot of self-criticism. Intrusive thoughts can make us feel like a bad person, and engaging in compulsions can make us feel like we're giving in. If we’re not careful, our critical inner voice can become just as intrusive as OCD itself.
Failure gives us a chance to practice self-compassion. Instead of beating ourselves up for having a tough day, or for doing something imperfectly, we can acknowledge that struggling is part of our growth. Learning to speak to ourselves kindly - even when we slip up - helps us counter OCD’s critical voice.
5. Failure provides real-life evidence that we can move forward.
Many of us with OCD operate under the belief that failure will ruin everything. But when we actually experience setbacks and see that life continues, it provides us with powerful evidence that failure isn’t the end of the world! Perhaps we engaged in a compulsion after going a few hours without one, or maybe we deliberately avoided an exposure we had planned to do.
All of these moments, although massively frustrating at the time, show us something important. And that's that we can keep going.
A bad day or week doesn’t erase all our progress. Each setback is proof that recovery is flexible, not all-or-nothing. So, get challenging those unhelpful thoughts!
6. Failure allows for experimentation and growth.
If we’re afraid to fail, we might avoid trying new strategies for managing OCD. We might stick to the same comfort zones, the same small steps, and the same exposures that feel 'safe'. But recovery requires stepping into discomfort - and sometimes, that means trying things that might not work.
Maybe we attempt an exposure that feels overwhelming and realise we need to break it down into smaller steps or we try a new way of responding to intrusive thoughts that doesn’t feel quite right yet. These moments, which we might initially see as failure, aren't. They actually help us adjust our approach. They teach us what works, what doesn’t work, and how to adapt. It's important that we recognise that that's not failure - that’s learning!
7. Failure prepares us for the long-term nature of recovery.
OCD recovery is often a long journey and much as we all wish it would, it doesn't happen overnight. Even after making brilliant progress, we may experience flare-ups, new intrusive thoughts, or unexpected stressors that trigger old compulsions. If we fear failure, these moments can feel like proof that we’re back to square one. But if we try to accept failure as part of the process, we’ll see these setbacks for what they really are - just temporary bumps in the road and proof that we are trying.
If we recognise that failure isn’t the end of our OCD recovery and just a blip along the way, we can continue to progress without getting stuck in feelings of shame or hopelessness.
How to Reframe Failure in OCD Recovery
Sometimes failure can feel extremely worrying - hey, anyone would think we had a condition that made us prone to anxiety! :)
I've found reframing really helpful for when I've been overwhelmed by fear of failure.
Here are some of the ways I try to reframe my beliefs around failure.
I tell myself that:
Failure is feedback. Every setback provides information about what I need to work on and what strategies to refine.
Failure is temporary. One tough moment doesn’t mean my progress is erased. I try to remember the things I've been taught before, even if they're difficult to access in challenging times.
Failure is a sign of courage. If I'm failing, it means I’m trying. And trying is how recovery happens.
Failure is an opportunity to show myself self-compassion. I try to show myself kindness, gentleness and understanding. I find it helpful to speak to myself in the same way I would a close friend.
Summary
As someone who's been on the OCD recovery journey for a long time, I know how exhausting and disheartening OCD recovery can sometimes feel. But I've also learned that failure isn’t something to fear - it’s something that I'm trying to embrace.
And I hope for the very same for you too. :)
Every setback is proof that we are engaging in our OCD recovery, stepping outside of our comfort zone, and doing what's needed to heal.
I hope this post has helped you feel a little less fearful of failure!
Sending loads of love as always,
Catherine xx
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If you would like to learn more about how to develop the skills mentioned in the post, please check out our bright and compassionate resources. You can learn how to develop self-compassion in our Self-Compassion Pack and learn how to develop resilience and persistence in our Growth Mindset Pack - which also covers failure.
Further Reading:
What to know what intrusive thoughts are? Check out this post.
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