What is uncertainty and how does it affect those of us with OCD?
We could talk about this all day but let’s keep it brief! Uncertainty is being unsure of outcomes. It’s about not knowing what will happen as a result of literally anything. Life is one big exposure to uncertainty. Those of us with OCD tend to give more weight to less likely negative outcomes than those without OCD, this is particularly the case if there’s a possibility of harm. Those of us with OCD can go to extreme lengths to try to avoid or control feelings of uncertainty, it’s time consuming and exhausting.
Thankfully there are therapies and treatments available to help us become more used to dealing with uncertainty. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy help us learn to look at our thinking and to challenge anything that is unhelpful, Exposure and Response Prevention helps us to realise that the chances of our biggest fears happening are very slim, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy helps us to accept that life is full of uncertainties and that we can use mindfulness to help keep our focus on the present and not on those uncertainties. It helps us to focus on living our lives in accordance with our values.
Often, we have to deal with uncertainties beyond the realm of OCD hyperfocus. Significant life events can have a huge impact on everyone, but for those of us with OCD they can really hit hard.
How uncertainty had been affecting me recently?
I’ve just moved house and although I'm much better now at seeing how exciting this is - thankyou therapy - I'm still struggling with how much I just don't know about my new future.
I’ve also been dealing with a few health issues, it's nothing serious but long waiting lists for tests is adding to an extent of uncertainty way beyond my comfort zone (which, to be honest, wasn't that big to start with!).
When I'm dealing with an OCD spike, I normally find I have to deal with a mixture of physcial and mental compulsions. This time around, I'm mainly dealing with rumination - a mental compulsion - and these can be tough to spot!
It can be difficult to notice when something has gone from ordinary levels of worry/stress to rumination leves that fit in with OCD. I tend to use these guidelines to help me differentiate.
How much of my time is spent ruminating?
Am I trying to lessen anxiety or fact find?
Is the thinking helping? Is it lowering anxiety? Is it giving me knowledge that will help me?
Are my actions making it worse? DI find that the more I engage with the thoughts or actions, the more anxious I feel?
Do I feel I need to keep repeating the actions?
As well as asking myself the above questions, I sometimes also conduct a survey. A survey is where we can ask others how they deal with uncertainty, compare it to our own experiences and, if their way is helpful, try to adopt that. A survey is a common Cognitive Behavioral Therapy strategy but it must be used carefully. A survey is a fact-finding practice. We need to be very careful not to let it creep into reassurance-seeking.
So, once we’ve identified that our behaviour is a compulsion, what then? Well, Taming Olivia has always been about helping others by sharing what I’ve learned, so listed below are some of the ways I’ve been trying to cut down on my rumination. I hope it helps!
Practical ways for dealing with Uncertainty
I’m on my phone WAY too much. I’m researching, I’m learning, I’m trying to control. Now this could be a good thing. Doing these things can put you at an advantage in modification. But I’m starting to suspect it’s gone way past that point and has entered into that oh so familiar world of rumination. As a result, my phone is in another room much of the time. I can’t be totally away from it in case I get a call from the school, but it's out of the danger zone which for me is within arms reach AND anywhere I can see it.
I’m using my diary to plan my day and what I want my daily outcomes to be - it helps keep me grounded and heading in the right direction. I’ve also started time - blocking. When I'm anxious and prone to rumination, I jump from one activity to the other and it stops me achieving anything. When I'm working I keep my diary next to me. If I think of something I need to do I write it in there and then come back to it. If I flit between activities I exhaust myself.
I’m using mindfulness to bring my attention back to the present. Like all recovery strategies, mindfulness gets easier with practice, some people love it, some don’t. Remember recovery is all about finding what works for you.
I up the self care. I went for a run on Sunday. I had a really good running routine last year which dropped away during the winter but I actually went for one which is brilliant. I didn't want to but it made me feel much better. I plan to go again, I’m keeping the pressure off and just aiming for an increase in jogs rather than a perfect new weeky routine.
I am using acceptance. Acceptance doesn't mean I have to like feeling uncertain - it doesn't mean I approve of the things I'm feeling uncertain about - it just means I accept it's happening. The uncertainy is there, and will be there whether I'm worrying myself into a frenzy or not. If I can accept the uncertainty, and not fight against the feeling, I can put my energies into self care. I know this is incredibly challenging to do but if you would like to learn about this more please read about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
I am doing everything I can to show myself compassion and love. Moving is a very stressful time, not being sure of your health is too. I’m NOT going to feel okay 100% of the time going through this. It’s not part of the human experience. I’m practising being gentle with myself and that can come from anything from saying no more often, to choosing fun things to do, to choosing a healthy meal for dinner.
I’m learning to teach myself to be patient. Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m not a patient person. It’s both a part of my personality and my aversion to uncertainty. I know I need to work on this, some of the above strategies such as mindfulness are known to help this too so that’s an area of development for me.
So that’s it! That's my plan and I'm going to try to keep to it. I’m not expecting perfect results but it’s a good direction for me to aim for and it's so much better than spending my days trying to control everything through rumination. Not that there won't be any rumination - of course, there will be some. This is just about helping it become more manageable.
Round Up
So there we have it! Let's have a little recap.
Life brings with it a whole host of uncertainty. Those of us with OCD often find stressful life events overwhelming because we find uncertainty particularly challenging.
There are multiple ways in which we can work out if our behaviours have entered OCD territory.
If we’re not sure, we can do a survey of others but we need to be very careful this doesn't become a hunt for reassurance.
There are many strategies that we can use to help us cut down on rumination time. We can sift through, select the best fit for us and use them to help us get back to everyday life.
I hope you found this helpful. Life is full of uncertainty is can be uncomfortable but with the right tools you can feel empowered to embrace it.
Sending you all loads of love,
Cat xx
Further Reading
Feeling stressed out with uncertainty? Read this blog here full of ideas about how to relax or at least distract yourself!
What to learn how to spot some of the sneaky compulsions that can rise as a result of uncertainty? Check this post out.
HUGE thanks goes to our wonderful OCD Community who shared their ideas for both posts.
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