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OCD often plays up during the holiday season. Whether it’s the change of routine, the higher stress levels, or the cheeky sugar-laden snacks, something about the holidays always causes OCD to ramp up a notch. Experiencing OCD at a time when it feels like the whole world is celebrating and having fun can make our discomfort even more painful.
One New Year’s Eve, when I was about fourteen, I experienced an intense bout of OCD, and midnight saw me standing alone in a dark room, stressed, angry and tearful, listening to the fireworks and celebrations going on outside. To this day, it is one of my most painful OCD-related memories. Thankfully, I have learned a ton over the years since, and although it hasn’t stopped OCD from rearing its Santa’s hat-covered head over the festive period, it has made things much more manageable. This post has been written to help me share these ideas and strategies – I hope they help!
I’ve written this post with Christmas in mind because it's coming up, and I celebrate it. This information could easily be applied to any other religious celebration or significant life event, so even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, you should find lots of this information helpful, too.
Strategies for Coping with Christmas when you have OCD!
Show yourself loads of compassion.
If you have OCD, the chances are you’ve been through a lot! You deserve to show yourself all the compassion in the world. Are you feeling tired or want to go home? Are you feeling bad about it? Practising supportive self-compassionate statements can help you realise that you deserve to honour what you want and need.
Sentences such as these can be very helpful.
I am dealing with a lot right now; I deserve patience and love.
I have been through a lot, so I get tired quickly and/or don’t like loud places. This is totally understandable, and leaving loud or late events early doesn’t make me a bad person, even if it is my friend's party!
Practise showing acceptance.
For many of us, especially those of us with OCD, Christmas can be a time of overwhelming emotions, and although films and social media make it look like everyone is in a state of constant bliss, this isn’t the case. Nostalgia, sadness, grief, anxiety, stress… these are all felt very keenly during the holidays too. Knowing this and accepting it makes a huge difference. Accepting that these feelings arise during the holidays doesn’t mean you approve of them and don’t wish them away, but fighting things takes up a lot of energy. Accepting what you can’t change allows you to put your energy into looking after yourself.
It is really important to know that acceptance does NOT mean accepting dangerous or harmful situations and relationships. You absolutely do not need to accept these. It may be helpful to remember that acceptance aims to cause less suffering, not more. Keep this in mind and use it to help you determine if showing acceptance suits your specific circumstance.
Put boundaries in place.
Christmas is a time loaded with expectations, and everyone has their own individual ideas about how they’d like to celebrate. Think about the expectations put on you over Christmas and where you might be able to draw a line to help you secure your resources, whether that’s time, money or energy. Are you being invited to lots of different events? Do you want to go to them all? Is it a healthy choice for you? Are you only going because you feel you have to? Are you expected to do things you know will leave you feeling vulnerable? If so, can you alter the plans a little bit? Can you go away for a couple of days instead of a week? Can you stay for a couple of hours rather than spend the whole evening out? Do you feel pressured to drink alcohol or stay up late when you know you’d rather not?
Putting boundaries in is an excellent way of showing yourself compassion and protection.
Establishing boundaries can be tricky, especially for those of us with OCD, because we tend to have huge hearts and not want to let anyone down, but it is well worth it. I find it helpful to practice sentences first before I need to use them.
For example, "Thanks so much for inviting me! Would you mind if we reschedule?" or "I’m very tired at the moment and need to rest, but thank you so much!"
Put self-care activities in place.
I can't cope with being around lots of people for a long time—I need to have a place to chill out alone for a while. Over the years, I’ve gotten so much better at going off for downtime. Sometimes, I nap, read or do a crossword puzzle, and sometimes I go to bed very early. I used to feel awful about this, but I don’t any more. I need lots of alone time, and I enjoy it.
Again, practising sentences beforehand really helped me get this for myself.
E.g., I’m just going to have a little lie-down. I’m just gonna put my head down for a bit. I’m going to have a little wander – I’ll be back soon.
What can you do to show yourself self-care? As we discussed earlier, it could be putting boundaries in place. It could be making sure you take your vitamins daily, packing your favourite snuggly blanket if you’re visiting others, or even leaving somewhere a day early or cancelling an event. Putting self-care activities in place does not make you selfish.
Look for a supportive ear.
It’s good to have a natter with friends and family, but remember, if you don’t feel you can or don’t want to because it is the holidays, many support services and charities have special Christmas hours.
Be mindful of the expectations you place on yourself.
Have you said yes to five days straight of socialising but know it will be detrimental to you deep down? Honour those concerns. If you often feel drained after socialising, put down days in between. Do you know that you love cooking for a couple of people but find it challenging to host lots of guests? Keep the gatherings you host small. Does changing your regular routine negatively impact your mental health? Put less in if possible.
Be mindful of the expectations you place on others.
Christmas places a considerable amount of expectation on everyone, leaving us disappointed and unhappy. If we spend three hours travelling to meet someone or a whole day preparing for guests, we place huge expectations on their behaviour. We expect a certain level of gratitude, consideration, and appreciation. Remember to be mindful that this time of year is often tricky for many people. Having too high expectations could set them up to fail, leaving you feeling sad and most likely irritated. Respect and consideration should always be shown (and boundaries should be established if people hurt you), but check whether some of your expectations may be a little too high. And if someone cancels a plan with you or leaves early, remember that they maybe be showing themselves self-care and compassion.
In Summary!
Any big life event or holiday is loaded with expectations, which can cause huge stress. In terms of Christmas, everyone has their own idea about what it means to them and how it should be celebrated. Navigating this can be tricky, but following the above suggestions is a great way to start looking after yourself over the festive season!
I hope everyone who celebrates has a wonderful Christmas and finds many moments of joy and peace.
Sending you all loads of love,
Catherine
Further Reading
Interested in books, resources and information about OCD? Look no further than here! This is one of the most comprehensive lists available for OCD.
OCD loves keeping you on your toes and in the OCD Loop. Learn more about how to spot sneaky compulsions so you can interrupt the cycle here!
Want to know why some obsessions feel like urges? Read our most-read blog here.
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